Different feeling
I met my mum in Pudu wet market, is only my mum, Carmen follow mummy to Malacca for short trip. My mum will stay overnight in my aunty house because mummy will come back quite late.
My mum went to get some stuff and I walked alone. When I walked in the market, I have different feeling. Know what? Today I walked alone in the market, usually I am holding Carmen hand and walked together, walked to the fish shop to see fish and hamster, but today I am holding nobody hand, I am alone in the road. I feel lonely, feel I am stranger in the road. I asked myself, why this happen, is it worth it? I answered myself, it is all because my fault, I am the one who cause this situation. This question always appear in my mind, I always asked myself this question, so that I remind myself, I can’t do something that hurt you all again, I can’t afford this to happen again.
I walked all the shops that usually I walked with Carmen. I am really sick. My mind always popup the scenes that I walked with Carmen, questions that Carmen asked, action that Carmen did, things that she want and etc. I asked myself ‘what happen?’
When I looked at my mum from behind, I feel that she is old, she is weak but she like normal in front of me. Sorry mother. I make your life difficult when you are at this age. I really not a good son.
When my life will be back to normal? When can we life together? All these questions I asked myself every night.
