Carmen asked me to buy her a mobile phone or telephone. I asked mum why she suddenly want it? My mum told me she saw the cartoon characters talking to each other using mobile phone, so she also wants it. Actually she is not want a new mobile phone, is just her mobile phone is missing somewhere.

I bought her a pair of ‘walkie-talkie’ from Carrefour, so she can talk to my mum in the house. The walkie-talkie is better than mobile phone, is more lasting to play.

When I pass the walkie-talkie to Carmen, she said ‘Thank you papa’. The picture in the walkie-talkie is her favorite Barbie doll picture.

Carmen cried all the way home when mummy came to fetch her. She holds my arm and cry before mummy carry her. My heart also feels sad. I stayed there until mummy drive the car away, to make sure nothing happen. Suddenly I want to sing some song, some sad song to explore my feeling. Hope we can gather soon.

Sick for 3 days, doctor said ‘Food poisoning, MC 1 day, stop eating spicy foods…’

No vomit, only stomach upset. I think I had too many curry chicken rice. Go toilet 5-6 times in an hour. Really can’t work, so if the doctor didn’t give me MC, I also will take a day off, no strength to work.

No mood and tired.

Dear,

Tomorrow is your birthday and I know I can’t celebrate your birthday like usual year. No matter how it change, I will always stay behind you and wish you Happy Birthday

Love,
A person that hurt you many times.

I met my mum in Pudu wet market, is only my mum, Carmen follow mummy to Malacca for short trip. My mum will stay overnight in my aunty house because mummy will come back quite late.

My mum went to get some stuff and I walked alone. When I walked in the market, I have different feeling. Know what? Today I walked alone in the market, usually I am holding Carmen hand and walked together, walked to the fish shop to see fish and hamster, but today I am holding nobody hand, I am alone in the road. I feel lonely, feel I am stranger in the road. I asked myself, why this happen, is it worth it? I answered myself, it is all because my fault, I am the one who cause this situation. This question always appear in my mind, I always asked myself this question, so that I remind myself, I can’t do something that hurt you all again, I can’t afford this to happen again.

I walked all the shops that usually I walked with Carmen. I am really sick. My mind always popup the scenes that I walked with Carmen, questions that Carmen asked, action that Carmen did, things that she want and etc. I asked myself ‘what happen?’

When I looked at my mum from behind, I feel that she is old, she is weak but she like normal in front of me. Sorry mother. I make your life difficult when you are at this age. I really not a good son.

When my life will be back to normal? When can we life together? All these questions I asked myself every night.

My aunty asked us to have dinner with them since long time didn’t see us. Mum also said have dinner outside, no need to go home to cook and keep asking whether mummy got call me or not. I told my aunty ‘OK lor, we had dinner together before go back’.

We went to our usual place to have Chinese package, means RM25 for one fish, one soup and one vegetable for portion of three. During the dinner time, aunty told me not to do it again. Look at your daughter, already three years old, must think and care about her. I smile at her and said ‘I know’. I know my aunty is care of me, she care of me from small until now. This dinner was treated by my aunty. Thanks.

After dinner I text mummy and said I am coming back to your office. A minute later, mummy replied she is on her way for dinner, give her one hour. Since still have time, I fetched them to my office. My mum wants to know the drawing results and she want to buy something in 99 Speedmart. Carmen followed me to office. I let her press the lift. I lead her to my seat and she saw a black pen and paper then she starts drawing. She draws 2 pictures, one is dinosaur and the other is a single window house with a flag on top of it. I am keeping it well.

When reached mummy office, I told Carmen, ‘Girl, be good girl, listen to mummy, follow mummy go home, take bath then only play toys ok?’. She hold my hand said ‘No’, I know she want me to stay with her. I told her ‘I want to work, next time bring you out again ok? Play water ok?’. I was using the same excuse last time mummy used. I don’t look at her when she is leaving, I scare I can’t control my emotion. Bye, Carmen, papa looking forward to see you next time.

I will try to earn more money to buy you a new house and we all stay together. This is my target. We all do not have many 10 years, I already wasted 20 years, now I must work hard in this 10 years, do something that make your all proud.

In Jusco, we split into 2 teams, I and Carmen 1 team, my mum, my aunty and her granddaughter another team. We go playground and my mum team go supermarket to grab some vegetables.

As usual, I changed RM10 coins for Carmen to play. She played a while then wants to go in to the children play ground to play. So I filled up the form and go in together with her, need an adult to keep an eye on them, as we know now many children got kidnap, so we have to take care of our children when bringing them out. I will hold Carmen hand tight when walking around.

After come out from the children play ground, Carmen want to play bowling, basketball and some children arcade games. I played basketball game with her, she is not tall enough to shoot the ball. I have to get her a wood box for her to stand on it.

Before play basketball I realized something about Carmen. When someone was playing a game and Carmen wants to play it, we will wait/queue behind. But after the person finished the game, suppose to be our turn, just because I want to get Carmen the wood box, someone cut our queue. I didn’t manage to stop them because they already put in the money. That time Carmen feel like don’t want to play, hold my hand and want to walk away. I hold her hand and say ‘Girl, just wait for another round, papa play with you ok?’, and she replied ‘OK’. At last we managed to play the game, is a mini basketball shooting game.

Another discovery was, Carmen will close her eyes with her hands when I brought her to toilet. I wonder who teach her this, but anyway is a good manner.

After the game, I told Carmen ‘Let’s walk around the toys shop ok? Papa buy you princess ok?’. She loves princess, so Barbie will be her choice. She loves to watch princess movie as well. She walk around the toys department until she found the Barbie toys. She stand there and start looking at the toys, thinking of which one to choose. At last she chose the biggest box (is she smart?) and start taking it out from the display stand. I help her to take out from there and carry for her. I try to get other toys for her, but she just look at it and put back to the original place, hold my hand and pull me away.

After paid in the cashier, we both went to McDonald’s to buy ice cream. Today is like me and Carmen freedom day, eat whatever we want, play whatever we want and also buy whatever we want. Sorry, I correct the previous sentence, is ‘she’ and not ‘we’.

We heading back to aunty house.

To be continue……..

What is our program for today? First we (me, mum and Carmen) heading to KL wet market. Mum wants to buy stuff there because the price is much cheaper and fresher compare to supermarket. We go to our usual wet market which is Pudu Market. Because today is Sunday, so the roads are crowded by cars. I spend 20 minutes to get a car park, that’s ridiculers.

I carried Carmen all the way from car park to the fish shop. We need to go through the wet market, the floor is wet so I don’t want to let her walk. I and my mum split up there, mum go to get her stuff, I and Carmen go to fish shop to see fish. Fish shop not only can see fish, but also frogs, lizard, turtles, birds, chicken, hamster, puppy, cats and many other small animals. We spent an hour to walk all the shops, then we meet up with mum in one of the restaurant. Mum want to eat the ‘char kuey teow’, she loves it very much. She miss it after moved out, she has no chance to try it. I ordered soya bean for Carmen to drink, she used to drink it every time follow my mum to market, my mum will buy it for her and me as well. I miss the time carrying Carmen around, and that’s why I want to carry her walk around even she has grow taller and heavier. Is only once a month (maybe twice a month) to meet up with them so I rather difficult myself also want to carry her.

After lunch, we went to aunty house, is nearby. We meet up there to bring my aunty and her granddaughter to Jusco. My mum wants to meet my aunty. When we reach there, my aunty not reach home yet, she is on her way back from market. My aunty house got few dogs, puppies and cats, so Carmen can play with them. We are there for an hour, because my aunty needs to feed the baby porridge then only we proceed to Jusco. Jusco is just 10 minutes car journey from my aunty house.

To be continue……..

After waited an additional of week, finally is the day I meet up with my mum and Carmen. Supposedly last week, but mummy outstation, so have to wait for another week and which is today.

I slept early on Saturday night, so that I won’t miss today important day. I woke up at 7am and get myself ready at 8am. My appointment time is 11am wait at mummy office. So there are 3 hours gap now. I went to office to take something (need to pass it to mummy) and play Warcraft III. Why play game? Because time passes very fast when we are playing or enjoying.

My phone ring, is not the phone ringing tone but is the appointment ringing tone. I set it in my phone to remind me so that I won’t miss it.

I reached mummy office 20 minutes earlier. While waiting for them to reach, I do some unit trust study. I can’t concentrate, because every time when there is a car passing by or coming from the other side, my eyes will automatically look at the direction.

When they reached, I passed the thing to mummy and put some stuff into mummy car. My mum asked me to buy some luncheon met and raw ‘barlie’ for Carmen to eat and drink. Today is the first time I see mummy, mum and Carmen. Mummy, give me last chance and time to get back what I had lost. I can tell you I know what I am suppose to do now. I won’t disappoint anyone any more.

To be continue……..

Do you dream? How often you dream?

I dream last night. I slept before 8pm. Do you believe I slept before 8pm? Serious, I did sleep before 8pm but I did wake up in between like 11:30pm, 3am and 5:30am. Which mean I dream few times with different story.

I remembered I dream few story, but I only remember 1 story, maybe is kissing scene, that’s why I remember it. The story is like this, I went to an aquarium shop to buy fish and aquarium. While I am looking around, there is a girl come to ask me ‘What can I help you?’ Is a short hair girl (I think I did meet this girl in real life, but can’t remember where). She recommends me to buy the fish and aquarium, but the aquarium is dirty, so she helps me to clean it up, and I am waiting there. Suddenly her boss came out and told her ‘Why asks customer to wait here?’. I quickly answer ‘I am looking at others stuff’.

Don’t know what happen, the scene change to both of us is inside a car and she was driving (is it fast forward few days/months later?). Suddenly she holds my hand and I was shocked but still let her hold my hand. While I was enjoying at that moment, she move my hand up to her breast. I looked at her and she smile at me. *Ting* scene change, we are at the behind seat of car and someone was driving the car. What we doing behind? We are kissing behind, pure kissing. Happy moment is always that short, I woke up suddenly and my dream is gone.

Do you believe that some of your dream will happen in real life? The scene you see in real life is what you had dreamed it before. I did experience it before, what about you?

What is this question about? My company request us to do a staff survey and the due date is 1st of July, only few days left.

Here comes the problem, the first question I need to select is my big boss name. I asked my colleague who sit next to me, he also doesn’t know. How am I going to continue? How come our team none of us know who is our big boss? Whose fault is that? If you asked me this question a year ago, I can answer. But few months ago, structure changed, so our big boss also change, last time we report to U.S. now I have no idea we report to where, only my immediate boss know it. We don’t deal with big boss directly and indirectly, can say totally no connection.

So I have to seek help from HR to find out who do I belong to. Then only I can continue the staff survey.